Multiple Responses

There was an outpouring of response to the Young People's Press article, "School can be hell for gay teens", after it was published in The Toronto Star, October 5, 1999. What follows are excerpts from the many letters and e-mails received.

I know how difficult it is to be so young and "different" because I went through the exact same thing about four years ago. When I was about 16 or 17, some idiots in school decided to prematurely "out" me, causing a lot of problems. I even received a couple of serious threats, which could have hurt me. I rose above it all, and finished school. But high school was horrible.

-Scott

I'm 17, gay, and attend a high school just outside Toronto. I would like to offer the observation that while some may accept us, the majority do not. It can be very dangerous not to be "normal". I live this every day of my life.

-D.

As a gay teenager, I understand the hardships many other gay/lesbian/bisexual youths have to live with. Being gay is sometimes not tolerated, especially in school. Fear of the many who are homophobic has kept me in the closet. It is my hope that one day we will not have to go through this kind of fear and hatred.

I believe there is a misconception about how someone becomes gay. Someone once told me to get a girlfriend soon before I turn gay. Well, I can't tell you how people become gay. I didn't choose to be gay. I think I was born gay. No one "recruited" me and I cannot change.

All we can do is educate homophobic people and live as ourselves, our true selves.

-Kenny

High school is hell for any gay teen. But what you need to know is this -- and it goes for all teens. Be true to yourself, have respect for yourself. I can't stress that enough.

You don't have to flaunt your sexuality, it's nobody's business whether you are gay or straight. Being true to yourself means not going out of your way to try and fit in with those who are labeled cool. You don't have to wear anyone's shoes but your own. Life has many roads to travel and you haven"t even got on the highway yet. Take it slow. Merge into life with discretion, the respect you give to others will be the respect you earned, gay or straight.

-Cherie

I'm 18, and have known that I was gay ever since I was about 10. It wasn't until recently that I came out to my friends and also my parents. So far, all "coming out" incidents have been great...people accept me for who I am, and I can express how I truly feel.

But I haven't come out at high school, BECAUSE homosexuality is not accepted. It is probably the worst place for a homosexual. You have to live two lives. One as a gay person and one as a straight person. You have to lie. You have to act like you're heterosexual when you're not. It also hurts to know that people can be so ignorant and close-minded. It was so hard for me to make friends and be social because I was so depressed. I'm still depressed but not as much as before because I don't have to fake as much any more.

I hate high school. I want out now. I've wanted out since I first started.

Do I want to be gay? No. I don't have anything against homosexuality, I would just rather be straight. It would make my life a hell of a lot easier. It really bugs me when people ask: "Why did you choose to be gay?" I didn't choose. It's not a choice. It's something that I'll have to deal with for the rest of my life.

-Ryan

I was also in the closet throughout high school: it was a miserable experience. Now I teach: while my own school is very gay-positive, I've done many workshops across the province and know it to be the exception.

It's very important for teachers and administrators to set the tone in schools. Racist and anti-Semitic language is rarely heard inside schools, because students know it is not tolerated and would get them in trouble. Teachers need to be just as aggressive in intervening when they hear words like "fag" or expressions like "that's so gay" in corridors and classrooms. That's the only way the everyday verbal assaults will stop.

-Allan

I am a gay teacher now working at my old high school. The experiences of the young writer are similar to what I faced as a student: knowing that I was gay but being unable to admit it to anyone for fear of rejection and violence. I felt my feelings were sinful and that even teachers would dislike me if they knew the truth about me.

Now I walk the same halls as a teacher. I hear the words "fag" and "that's so gay" all the time. Students who are different or effeminate are labeled and derided. Of course, I do my best to stop this behavior, while some other teachers do nothing. But I still feel that I should do more.

What stops me is that I am a very young teacher working in a Catholic high school. When you teach in a Catholic school, your public life is supposed to be lived according to the teachings of the Church. If it became known that I was living a "gay lifestyle" I could be fired. As well, being a young teacher makes it difficult since I worry that if the students knew I was gay I would not be respected.

Furthermore, if a student confided to me that he or she were gay, I would not be free to advise him or her on aspects of their sexual orientation that are not in keeping with church teaching.

I know this makes me sound like a coward. I do not stand up enough for myself or others who are hated for being what they are: gay. Friends ask me why I don't switch to the more tolerant public system. I answer that I am Catholic and believe in Catholic education. Why should I deny my religious identity because of bigotry?

One day I will be braver. One day I will be open about who I truly am for my students and co-workers to see.

-An anonymous Catholic High School teacher

As an out gay teacher at the Kingston Collegiate and Vocational Institute, I am very impressed by the young author of the article.

KCVI is not your typical high school. Our school is seen a "safe'' place for lesbian/gay/bi/trans students. Incidents of homophobia are rare. Many queer youth from other regional high schools transfer to KCVI because it is a much more welcoming and accepting environment. This situation is created by the wonderful school body, teaching staff, and a tremendous administration.

We have had politically active queer youth win the support and respect of their peers and really open the eyes of the student body. My life has been enriched many fold by the amazing queer youth who have called KCVI their school.

I often need to remind myself that queer youth and queer teachers across the province do not share sense of safety, security, well-being and acceptance that I do at KCVI.

-Michael Dinel

As an out gay educator in 1999, I know the comments and graffiti that are heard and observed in the schools. I also know that these are difficult problems to overcome as many staff members are not willing to deal with these issues for fear of being branded as gay or lesbian by their students.

I hope that the young writer of this article continues his brave walk in life as an openly gay man. Be proud of who you are, you are worthy, you are special, as is every one of us.

G.M. Stephenson-Jackman